underneath

i am searching

for the catch in your words,

the hook in your line,

the meaning underneath

a sugar-sweet smile,

a ghost of a touch,

a little bit of kindness.

i’ve had no luck yet,

but it’s too good to be true,

in your eyes i’m porcelain,

a toy to hold, to play with,

to use until worn and broken.

and yet i find myself always

wandering back; out of what?

intrigue? wanting? desperation?

regardless, i fall, and

always take the bait,

savoring the taste of honey

and a cherry-lipped smile.

but arsenic blooms on my tongue

and a gag is torn out of my lips.

i stumble back.

you are dangerous.

a toxin to my fragile mind,

seeping through my veins

in a thick, dark plume, ink to water.

these fantasies consume me,

but are always indulged.

there has to be a catch, a hook

right? something more underneath?

it’s never so simple.

but maybe there is no hidden meaning

and i am searching for something,

someone,

that was never there.

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