Poetry Collection: Confessions of a Teen Girl
Confessions of a Teen Girl
Flashing Before My Eyes
“Is your homework done?”
I hear each day at school
Each day I hand in a paper, essay, worksheet, project, test, or quiz to them
The same routine flashing before my eyes
A hand always extended, ready to take it
To pass you or fail you
My friends each day at lunch wondering do we have an A- or a B-
Our Chromebooks always open to a gaming site
But look again and see we have a tab always open to our grades
We go home we do homework till midnight, and then we go to sleep
Yet it’s not really sleep is it?
If sleep is meant to gain energy then why am I thinking till 3am that I’m going to fail the next paper, essay, worksheet, project, test, or quiz?
The same routine flashing before my eyes
I go to school and smile to my friends, we all have joyful expressions written all over our face
then why can I see a different person in their eyes
Look closely you can see restless nights covered up in concealer and smiles
We talk like we never notice the same routine happening
but fidgeting hands, darting eyes, and open Chromebooks tell a different story
That something is written in between the lines that we didn’t expect in this way of life
Yet that’s what I signed up for didn’t I?
I decided to exchange my health for good grades
Yet that’s..
That’s not really true is it?
I was told that if I worked hard I will get success
But they never tell you that it asks for more then what you have
Never realizing that I live to work
I don’t work to live
I’m in an endless loop that no matter how hard I try to get out of, I end up back in it
The rewind button always pressed as the clock hits midnight
I’m sorry to the little kid who just wanted to live out their dreams, but got pushed into society expectations.
The same feelings in the routine flashing before my eyes
Ring Ring Ring
“Is your homework done?”
Trade of Age
I may be 15
But as I look into the mirror all I see is a little girl who grew up too fast.
Never realizing that perhaps you can run too fast
That in a blink of an eye childhood could end
I’ve grown too old for:
Stuffed animals askew on my bed
Made up dances to convince parents for a sleepover
Friday movie nights with parents
Bags filled with Halloween candy
Cuts from paper
Nights filled with dreams and innocence
I’ve exchanged those for:
Mountains of textbooks askew on my bed
Made up excuses to convince parents of not lying
Friday parties with friends
Bags filled with cheap alcohol
Cuts from blades
Nights filled with tears and hatred
I blame Time, but I should be the one to blame.
Never realizing to hold on to simplicity, and blissful ignorance for one more second.
Just one more second as being a teenage girl just hurts too much.
How this trade of age costed me more than I expected.
It caused me to realize how the world isn’t fair
and how being a teenage girl is not how its pictured in the movies
That you have to trade something of more worth
To have the symbol of a teen girl
Oh to be 10 again
Memories out the window
I go to school in a car
I go to the store in a car
I go to my friends house in a car
Then why am I afraid?
Why is there always a millisecond before I step into the car
Raced with memories that I push down
Hoping they never emerge
The car never crashed
Therefore it didn’t kill me
But something inside of me died that day
But what day?
When my mother screamed into my face
The text I received when she broke up with me
Or when my father told me his secret
Yet why is it always in the car?
If a car is just a heap of metal then why is it the thing I fear?
Secrets always spill out our mouths as we drive
Eyes always forward, so we never know how they react
Like talking to a wall with a mouth
Tears falling down my face into the wind
As the window rolls down
Screams of anger thrown into the road
Hands gripping the sides to keep your self under control
Every location I go has a piece of myself there
It could be joy, sadness, or anger
But to this day the memory lingers there
A mark on the car that will never go away
Never realizing, that at one point of my life that something can hold on to so many memories
The place I fear most is my pandora box
Always holding on to the memories I fear and cherish
Yet that’s the thing it holds on to what I fear but also what I cherish
But what day?
When I got my acceptance email
My father telling me he’s so proud of me
The songs we sung with all our might
There’s always a flip side to things
Conversation’s and gossip spill out our mouths as we drive
Yes quickly glancing over to see what the other person is thinking
Like talking to a real life person
Songs sung slipping out into the wind
As the window rolls down
Screams of laughter thrown into the road
Hands gripping the sides so you don’t choke onto your laughter
It could be joy, sadness or anger
There will always be things that hurt you
But there will be things that make you feel happy
Something may have died inside of me that day
but not all of me
And with these memories still in me I drive away
To wherever the hell I want to
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